Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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