She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
