im gay
i know
yea but for you.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
