This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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