How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
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