Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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