You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
