saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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