hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
