I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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