i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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