there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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