Buhtt sex?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
