I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
