What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
