I have demons in me.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
