I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
