Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
