Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
