I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
