Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
