They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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