Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
