Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
In other news, I just burned my penis
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize
