i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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