break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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