i'm signing you up for texting rehab
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
