I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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