I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
