We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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