he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
