I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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