as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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