Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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