i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
