Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I still have a little drunk in my system
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize