And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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