Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
