He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
