very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
