yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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