Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
