Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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