It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
