Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
