Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
