While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
