Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
