My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
