Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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