you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Oh god it's open bar.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
