Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
