I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I have tasted many bathrooms
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
