Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
