whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
