some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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