Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
