If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize