He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
