final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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