went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
