Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
My Higher Power is John Stamos
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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