His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
