oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
