Got a toothbrush?
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
