I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
