Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
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