You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
