but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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