How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
