Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
