Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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