New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
