Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
