My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
