apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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