I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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