I love black thongs
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
