Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
