he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
