it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't deserve a penis
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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