My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
