the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize