The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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