I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
