I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
