Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
