i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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