hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
