The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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