I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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