put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
