U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
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