At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
