I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Randomize
